Luruninia Shuib

bahasa melayu akan hilang di dunia

2012-02-20T18:29:00.000+08:00

last weekend my parents' house was like a nursery. my nieces and nephews (except ryan) were here. besides babysitting them, i enjoy observing these little monsters.

my nieces first language is English. while my nephews, though they can't talk yet, i believe Bahasa Melayu (BM) will be their first language, if not Bahasa Indonesia because they spend more time with the Indonesian maid than their own parents.

there was a time all of them sat in front of the tv watching boboiboy on astro. the girls wanted it to be English as they can't understand BM very well. while the boys wanted it to be in BM as they can't understand English very well. since the girls are the senior grandchildren, like my father always calls them, they got to watch it in English.

when playing together, the girls tried their best to speak BM with the boys but it sounded like orang putih speaking BM. this is nothing to be proud of. my mom and i are so worried that they might have trouble with Bahasa Malaysia subject when they enter public primary school which would be next year for sarah! though we are worried about it, we ourselves use English to speak with them. how irony is that?

i understand that a lot of parents nowadays, especially in the urban area, make English as the first language at home since English is a language that is becoming more and more powerful. interviews nowadays are conducted in English. if you want to score a job at a reputable company you must be able to speak and write in English. more and more parents want their children to study at international kindergarten/school and abroad. more and more parents are proud when their children score a job overseas or at international companies in Malaysia.

but

what will happen to Bahasa Melayu?

tea party

2012-02-17T00:40:00.000+08:00

my very close next door neighbour just got engaged and the wedding reception for the groom's side is somewhere in september. when we were small we were playmates and he always bullied me but now he is going to be someone's husband. time flies really fast.

on knowing that he is getting married the anak-aku-tak-kahwin-lagi stress hits my mom. it happens every time my friends who are of my age get married.

i'm looking forward to being a small part of the big wedding. they are inviting 3K people! i would help with everything that i could. his mom still refuses to tell the theme of the wedding. so my mom and i played the guessing game. since he works in the army, the theme might be army (of course).

then my mom asked me what will my wedding's theme be. i replied "it's still too early to think about it." then she said it's just for fun, nothing serious.

so i told her that i want a vintage tea party wedding theme. it just came out. i never knew i wanted that kind of theme. we then spent hours googling the images of vintage tea party wedding theme.

my mom didn't really like that theme because she felt it's too "orang putih", especially on the food part. according to her believe, a malay's wedding reception should be all about nasi minyak, acar, kurma daging and ayam merah. she said it's ok if this theme is used for the akad nikah. i've attended my cousin's malam berinai which used the vintage tea party as the theme. so i get what my mom is trying to tell me. the wedding reception's theme can be anything that a person can imagine and dream of but the food served must be nasi minyak, ayam merah, acar and kurma daging.

while i, on the other hand love it because nasi minyak's course is costly.

my pelamin.

it might take 10 years to get Theme of Que Rafael to make this idea of mine into a reality.

like my mom said it's just for fun :)

technology thy name is

2012-02-16T12:49:00.000+08:00

toddlers, as young as 1 year old are a pro in playing angry bird, one of the many games that they always play using their parents' smart phones. when the parents have to leave for work, the sons cannot play angry bird as the parents need to bring their phones with them, which then leave the parents feeling guilty for the sons and that is how toddlers/kids nowadays have their own personal ipad.

the situation above describes about my sister in law and my brother. they had just bought an ipad 2 for her 2 and 1 year old sons which is to the disagreement of my parents. to make it worse, since the boys are fighting over one ipad, they will buy another one for the 1 year old. my sister in law and brother are not the only parents in the world who buy their kids such gadget. i've seen many small kids playing games on ipad and galaxy tab while eating at restaurants with their parents, attending people's house during raya/kenduri or while waiting for their moms trying clothes in the fitting room.

the way my parents see it, they feel parents nowadays "nak senang saja" or in english parents nowadays want to make their roles as mothers and fathers easier.being able to play games like angry bird using a tablet does make the kids good kids. they will not cry and throw tantrums when the parents want to enjoy eating at restaurants, walk in the mall for hours, visit people's house, get their hair and nails done at the salon and etc because the kids are occupied with the game.

when i was 2 year old, maybe i was playing with dolls, home or blocks. of course, i couldn't remember but toddlers at that age play normally play plastic boys.

the coolest game that my father has ever bought me would be the bricks game.

my conservative mother has always believed that "a parent's job is never easy and should not be made easy using short cuts". she thinks mothers who use gadgets to keep their children controllable are not real mothers.

while my father on the other hand worries about finances. he says: 1) one day the kids will be bored with the games. 2) if the kids already given a RM1,700 thing at the age of 2, it's not impossible for them to demand for a more expensive thing which will result the parents to be in credit card debt.

i agree with my father more. one of the many reasons why parents nowadays work hard to earn high wages is they want to be able to buy expensive gadgets and toys for their children. other reasons would be sending their children to the best (best means the most expensive) kindergarten and school.

what worries me is that a lot of parents in this era are using materials to show their love towards their children. high wages come with more time needs to be spent for work. despite having to play with cool and expensive gadgets or toys, these children will end up staying at home and spending more time with the nanny.

most probably these children will only say "thank you mom and dad. I love you!" to their parents every time they are given expensive gadgets and toys. that is where love does cost a thing. what if suddenly the parents can't afford to buy things for their children? "you don't love me anymore. i hate you!" is what they might say. some parents say they love their children so don't mind having to work hard in order to afford buying their children expensive gadgets and toys.

children's love towards their parents and parents' love towards their children should not be based on material gains only.

i love my mom because she cooks for me and is a best friend to me whenever i need one. i love my dad because he is my personal counselor and always make me feel good again about myself whenever i am my lowest point.

just to name a few.

and i don't come from a rich family.

fast food

2012-02-16T01:01:00.002+08:00

i haven't eaten anything from the fast food restaurants for two months. i can't believe this fast food monster can live without fast food.

growing up, i am the most picky eater that always gives my parents headache.

when i was young, i disliked rice, mee goreng/kuah/kari, bihun goreng/sup, laksa and etc.

i survived on kfc, burger king and potato chips.

every day after my parents picked me up from school we would go to KFC to buy the original fried chicken.

when everyone else is eating rice for lunch i would eat a bag of potato chips.

after spm i lived with my sister and brother in law and every day he would buy me burger king for lunch.

though my family disliked what i ate, they had no other choice but to let me to because eating fast/junk food was way better than eating nothing.

when i was young i was not an athletic person. eating fast food and junk food every freaking day did make me became chubbier day by day.

when i was studying at uitm shah alam, i was a fan of McDonalds because i could just wear my home clothes, jump into my car and drive thru my food.

i'm blogging about this because just now, two of my friends came to my house for lunch and we were talking about fast food. one of them said "i would prefer carls junior over burger king, McD and KFC" and they kept on elaborating how juicy carl's junior's burgers and how fat the fries are.

i was not even salivating.

that is when i realized i am not the annoying everybody-hates-me for-liking-fast food-so-much monster anymore.

i really can't wait to tell my parents, especially my dad tomorrow (as they have gone to bed). he has spent years lecturing/advising me to eat healthily.

friends come in different sizes and attitude

2012-02-15T01:34:00.000+08:00

when a friend badmouths you behind your back or publicly (as in using twitter)

you can kick her/him out from the 'friends' category.

on air

2012-02-13T15:59:00.000+08:00

I believe 'On Air' is popularized by Dang Suria. go to ohbulan.com to read an article about it.

i have only watched the very first episode of it and was disgusted with aznil nawawi in the show so i never want to watch it again. however, i like suhaimi sulaiman. he seems very professional and he knows what he is doing.

ok we get it,yo u guys (astro) obviously need better news anchor and host because the ones that you guys have are no where to be compared with the ones media prima (your so called competitor as aznil keeps on emphasizing) has. this explains why i dislike watching anything on awani and ria. even thought the berita awani is less bias compared to buletin utama, buletin utama newscasters are more watchable.

aznil keeps on wanting to see new/fresh styles. if i happen to go to the audition i would most likely be hosting like giuliana rancic because she is my idol. and the chances of aznil shouting at me "saya dah pernah tengok tu" is very high. i love the style of the man who reads the news for kbs news higlight. scott something is his name. if i happen to be a newscaster, i would love to be able to read the news like him. maybe aznil won't say "saya dah pernah tengok tu" because not many people watch kbs news.

the point is, a person who is passionate about hosting and newscasting will have his/her idol.

On Air should be a programme that can help make people's dream of becoming newscaster, host or radio dj a reality.

logically, there aren't many ways to read the news and host a show. "saya dah pernah tengok tu" is not acceptable.

the way i see it, On Air's audition concept is very similar to Akademi Fantasia's concept. SAYA DAH PERNAH TENGOK TU!

diary of a babysitter and a home maker

2011-12-28T13:20:00.000+08:00

a lot of people thought that i am paid for babysitting my nieces and nephews.

i have never thought of asking to be paid.

problem

2011-12-11T03:40:00.005+08:00

i have gained 4 kilos since my sister came back to alor star.

i eat every thing that she eats.

but

she's eating for two while i'm eating for one.

not only that, i've been binging on comfort food. these few weeks have been really hectic and stressful. after doing the housechores, taking care of my nieces and driving my aunt to and from work, i get really exhausted and reward my self with comfort food such as twix, pringles, egg tarts, blueberry cheese tarts, peanut butter and chocolate waffles, magnum ice cream, californian rolls and the mamak's roti planta.i've read and seen on tv how and why stay at home moms become fat.

my sisters would not be the persons to condemn about my weight because we are traumatized with what my mom has been brain washing us but yesterday they told me that it's obvious that i've gained weight.

i can tell that i've gained weight too through my jeans and tight home t-shirts.

so, just now i made an effort to google 'healthy weight loss tips' and found this.

i laughed really loud till i woke my nieces up and had to spend 10 minutes putting them back to sleep. i totally can relate to that. not long ago, a girl pointed out about my obsession with being skinny when obviously she was the one who kept on shrinking while i didn't.

truth is, i've never managed to lose weight because:

1) i love to eat which explains why i was a bulimic but that didn't make me skinny either.

2) i have the 'Begum' genes in my body. go google image how does a 'Begum' woman look like.

3) i don't look chubby because i'm tall but only i know how does my naked body looks like.

in this world there are plastic girls who say "you don't look fat" or "you should be grateful with your body now"

there are skinny girls who say to other (otw to) skinny girls "you're too skinny. i think you look better curvier and chubbier"

and

there are lucky slim girls who say "you're too fat"

to other girls.

physical appearance, especially the body is a very sensitive issue for all girls and women from all ages.

so, think twice before you make any comments or give your point of view.

*******************************************************

i am now in my effort to start exercising (yes people i do not exercise. i rather make myself throw out than exercising) because i can't ditch my comfort food. quoting bob harper, "calories in, calories out"

hurt

2011-12-11T03:10:00.000+08:00

when the closest and nearest people do not appreciate every thing that i have done.

the youngest daughter

2011-12-04T14:18:00.000+08:00

so yeah, my mom is currently down with a fever.

i always make sure the water jug is filled with water. refilling it every time needed.

i always force her to eat rice with soup.

i force her to eat oranges because she is always feeling nauseous.

putting the rice and soup bowls as well as the oranges plate on a tray.

i then put them on her bed.

i buy red bean buns from and put it in her room. that is mom's favourite buns. if she doesn't have the appetite to eat rice and soup, she can eat the buns.

i force her to drink milk at night.

yesterday, while i was cutting an orange for mom, my sister said to me "awak boleh lah jaga mama bila mama tua nanti."

Insyallah.

growing up, my parents have never trained me to do house chores and help look after them.

i am treated as a princess since i am the youngest daughter.

i remember being scolded by my dad for cutting an orange myself. he didn't want me to cut my finger.

i remember having to quietly sweep and mop the floor for i didn't want mom to find out.

what i'm doing for my family comes naturally.

Alhamdullilah.

*******************************************************

once upon a time, when my mom found out that she was pregnant she ate one whole pineapple.

at that time, with a meager pay my dad couldn't afford another child.

but nothing happened forcing my parents to keep the baby.

that baby was me.

that is why dad always regards me as the "special" daughter.

diary of a babysitter and a home maker

2011-12-04T13:58:00.000+08:00

mom is currently having a fever. a really bad one. she can't even crawl out from bed.

which means that my daily what-to-do list is becoming longer.

it is agreed that mom cooks, buy breakfast, go to the market and buy lauk pauk for lunch (if she doesn't cook) while i, on the other hand do the house chores.

since she is having a fever i automatically take over her roles.

i have to go buy roti canai and kuih muih for breakfast as early as 7am. if i go at 8am there will be no breakfast for the family.

i have to go to the market to buy fish, vegies and chicken at 8 am because if i go later than that all the good fish, vegies and chicken will be finished.

i have to go to the famous restaurant pumpung to buy lauk pauk for lunch at 1pm. sometimes if the lauk that my ecpecting sister wants is not ready yet i have to wait in the car till it's ready.

i didn't know my parents had to go through all that.

the yummy kuih muih that i always had for breakfast.

the freshes ikan tenggiri that mom always fried for me.

the yummiest ayam panggang that dad always bought me.

dear Allah,

thank you for making mom ill.

not in the nearest time

2011-12-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

dad recently told me that he needs to save up money

just in case i might suddenly tell him that i'm getting married.

my type of wedding dress.

lucky

2011-12-04T13:43:00.000+08:00

i love kendall jenner.

she's like a barbie.

dear and near

2011-12-04T13:41:00.001+08:00

i miss googling extra notes and exercises.

i miss driving and walking really fast to class.

i miss cracking lame jokes.

i miss asking "how's your weekend?"

i miss standing in front of 30-40 people.

i miss teaching.

but

my family needs me more now.

diary of a babysitter and a home maker

2011-11-30T04:48:00.000+08:00

been up since 3am and i don't even need an alarm clock to wake me up.

house chores are waiting.

good morning :)

diary of a babysitter and a home maker

2011-11-28T20:57:00.002+08:00

having to wake up twice while i'm sleeping to feed my nieces milk and take them to the toilet gives me headache the next day and that headache doesn't stop because i have to do it every single day.

i wonder how do mothers who have to go to work the next day and have to do what i do every single night survive.

and yet people complain that women are lousy bosses and unproductive employees.

diary of a babysitter and a home maker

2011-11-28T20:45:00.000+08:00

being a full time baby sitter means i will have my nieces with me all the time. i take them with me when i do grocery shopping, fill in my car's gas, send water to my grandparents' house, buy the food that my pregnant sister is craving for and etc.

yesterday, i did grocery shopping with my nieces.

i didn't manage to find a parking space under the roofted parking area so i had to park my car under the hot scorching sun.

my niece sarah wanted to bring an umbrella with her.

i told her not to do so because carrying an umbrella in a mall is a hassle. i need to hold the hands of two hyperactive girls and 3 reusable shopping bags.

she then said "but my mommy don't like us to be 'hitam'"

i quickly pulled her hand from the car and she walked hiding under my shadow.

while walking into the mall she asked "are you not scared of being 'hitam'?"

i answered: "i like being tan"

"why?", she asked.

i replied "being too fair makes me look like a vampire."

"why?", she asked again.

i left that question answer-less .

when i was small, my mom used to make me feel scared of being sun burned. well, she still makes me feel that way but i am now not affected by that anymore. i was not allowed to play outside the house until the sun is not shining anymore, i was not allowed to join sports and marches at school and i was being scolded for waiting for my mom to pick me up from school under the hot sun.

other than that,

my mom makes me feel scared of being fat.

she made me pluck my eyebrow when i was 17.

she makes me feel it's a sin to leave the house without powdering my face and eyelining my eyes.

she makes me go to the dermatologist and wears that cream which i feel doesn't help to improve my acne problem.

and many more.

soon, my sister will do what my mom has done to all her daughters to my nieces.

i don't blame my mom and i will not blame my sister

because

one day, i will become a mother who wants her children to be pretty and dashing too.

********************************

babysitting children really helps me to understand my mom better.

and i hope it will make me a better mother in the future.

p/s: thank you mama.

diary of a babysitter and a home maker

2011-11-28T20:23:00.000+08:00

i'm allowing my nieces to jump on my mom's bed because i'm too tired to play with them. sorry mom. thus, allowing me to write something here.

have you seen those formula milk for children ads on tv? the ones where the mothers have hard time making their kids? i feel like i'm acting in one of those advertisements. of course, i play the mother.

my nieces and nephews hate food. hate is a harsh word. my nieces and nephews are never hungry. well, not really. the moment they see roller coaster, super ring and pringles they become like homeless people who have never eaten forever. they don't like eating. ok i know you get it.

my parents said their grandchildren take my dad's i-am-never-hungry-trait. they are lucky. how come i don't get that gene from my father? :(

earlier today i promised the girls ice cream if they eat lunch. my nieces and nephews are orang putih who don't eat rice -_-'

i've been doing that almost every single day.

i feel bad.

but i want them to eat.

problem

2011-11-27T22:25:00.002+08:00

once i gain weight, i don't stop.

inspiration

2011-11-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

i'm so inspired with Catalina Su's determination in losing weight.

but

inspiration without action won't take me anywhere.

i'm not jobless

2011-11-24T15:22:00.001+08:00

sarah is in the toilet and julia is drawing. i finally get to sit properly and on my netbook.

these days, i've been sleeping really late and wake up really early.

once my sister told me that she had to do house chores at 3 or 4 am. my aunt also does house chores at 2-3 am. and i used to think "why on earth must you torture your body and mind vacuming and mopping the floor, scrubbing the bathroom and doing the dishes while you should be sleeping?"

these days, i am the one who tortures my body and mind that way.

after everyone has gone to bed i will start collecting the toys which are scattered all over the house, wiping the furniture, vacuming and mopping the floor, scrubbing the bathroom, doing the dishes. i will normally start working at 1am and will stop at 2.30am.

my 'me time' will then start after 2.30am. i make myself a mug of green tea, grab lots of Twix chocolates (i am currently addicted to Twix), on the tv and watch KBS and One channel on astro.

i am too exhausted to the point where i can't even sleep.

at 3.30am i will shower and tuck in bed with sarah.sarah is sleeping with me now.

at 4 or 5 am she will get up to go to the bathroom.

so i can sort of sleep after 5 am.

since right now i am having my period, i will wake up at 7 am.

feed my nieces with chocolate milk.

8 am: i will wo a little bit of work out. my niece, sarah told me that i've gained a lot of weight. children and bathroom scale don't lie.

9am: prepare breakfast for my nieces.

10am: shower them.

12pm: feed them lunch.

3.23pm: watch The Partner.

4.40pm: grocery shopping and buy dinner for the family and hunt for the things that my expecting sister is craving for.

7pm: reaches home.

8pm: feed my nieces dinner.

9-12pm: working hard to put my nieces to bed.

1pm: house chores start.

do you know why i force myself to do house chores at night?

i want my mom to wake up the next morning smiling.

there's a thing called 'expiry date' between mothers and children.

i have passed mine.

doing all these help to renew the expiry date.

**********************************

i remember buying vaseline hand lotion and that cream for cracked heals. but i've never seen mom using them. up until now.

i now know why.

she's too busy and too tired to even bother about her cracked heals and dried hands.

now, i can fall asleep at any time and any where .

p/s: i don't know what i'm writing about. i've just missed blogging.

noble

2011-11-17T19:08:00.000+08:00

yesterday i posted about a person who questioned about my ambition and said that being a lecturer is noble.

i find that line very interesting to write about. which is what i'm doing right now.

i consider lecturer here as educator.

back in the days, my grandpa's days i mean, an educator is considered as noble because he or she will educate kampung children that will change their families' lives and that will lead Malaya.

now.

being an educator myself, i feel labeling a lecturer as a noble job is too much.

is working as a doctor not noble? is working as a businessman not noble? is working as a guard not noble? is working as a maid not noble?

the way i see it, noble jobs do not exist. noble workers do.

my father was a head of librarian. he often did overtime without claiming. he arranged the books by himself even though that was not his job. he arranged chairs at the library. he tried his best to get the books that the lecturers ordered. he helped the students as much as he could. and so many more. he did those things sincerely. a librarian is never considered as noble. but i consider my dad as a noble worker.

being an educator for a semester has taught me so much. i prefer using educator instead of tutor, lecturer and teacher because i believe my role is to educate. a lot of people say being a lecturer is easier than being a teacher because all you have to do is go to class, read everything that you have on the power point presentation, get the students to sign their attendance and at the end of the month, viola! payday.

i was not being paid for three months. regardless of that i still xeroxed notes for my students without asking them to pay a cent. why? because i want to educate.

i barely had six hours of sleep as my work ended at 10pm and i will look for extra notes in the internet because the text book only caters for intermediate students while not all my students belonged to the intermediate level.

and the only reason why i used my broadband was to look for extra notes, handouts and exercises in the internet. paying RM68 per month for a person who did not have a salary yet was painful but that was my choice because i wanted to educate.

my salary was based on the hours that i teach. so anything that is after teaching hours will not be paid. yet i told my weaker students to see me after class if they need extra help.

when i had to mark the exam papers, i did not want to claim for it also because i believe my role as an educator is to make sure my students pass in the examination and the only person who could do that is me.

soon i realize that educating is something that is always dear to my heart to the extend that i can do it voluntarily. then i talked to my brother in law's cousin and sister about being a volunteer in the education field. his cousin was a manager at a private company and teaches voluntarily every weekends at a tuition center. while his sister is an editor for a magazine and she teaches drama at kindergartens.

i love educating.

i want to be an educator.

educating does not only mean educating english language. since i love drama i can be a performing arts trainer. since i love baking, i can train people to bake. since i am now all about going green, i can educate people about it.

that is something that my parents and a lot of people still don't understand.

i know working as a 'lecturer' is more glamorous than volunteering at kindergartens and tuition centers.

even when i want to be a host and an actor, it's not glam and fame that i look for.

p/s: in the working world always be a noble employee/employer.

khloe kardashian

2011-11-16T15:15:00.002+08:00

again, i was told that people are annoyed with me complaining "i'm too fat"

10 years ago, my second sister became an anorexic.

she became one because one day my mom told her "perut awak nampak buncit" and she was an anorexic ever since then.

i was there when my mom told her that her tummy is fat.

back then my first sister was a chubby girl. my mom told her to only wear long skirts and baju kurung because with that body of hers she could never fit into pants what more jeans.

i was always listening to that.

so i grow up believing that all of us, the daughters are fat.

i am scared to gain weight because i am scared that my mom will notice and point that out.

so, i always make myself believe that i am fat in order for me to not eat as much as i would love to.

in fact, i have stopped baking now because she recently said "asyik bake ja nanti gemuk"

recently, i overheard my mom told my dad that she's scared i will gain weight if i just stay at home.

while i was still in uni i got very scared to go back to my parents' house during semester breaks because the first thing that my mom would look at is my body, face and hair.

while i was still in uni i would lie to my mom every time she called when i was eating at the mamak late at night because she would say "apa makan malam2 nanti gemuk"

my mom will always tell the tailor to make my baju kurung 1-2 inches bigger because she is scared that i will gain weight.

and my mom likes me wearing baju kurung because she thinks that baju kurung makes me look skinnier.

now, after three kids, my first sister is so skinny and my mom would always say "even with 3 kids you can be skinny" and smiled. i would listen to that and remain silent.

i always feel like i'm khloe kardashian in my family.

though she herself is chubby, she would say "eh, berisi" to my cousin who just had a baby.

how can i not want to be skinny?

maybe my mom wants all her daughters to be slim and pretty. all mothers do.

i hate making myself believe that i'm fat and ugly.

so, don't hate me for always complaining that i am fat.

p/s: relate this to why i always tweet about my frustrations towards my parents.

i'm suffocated. nobody knows.

2011-11-16T14:50:00.000+08:00

so, i was told that people get annoyed reading my tweets about my parents.

those who are really close to me should know that i love my parents to death.

but they sometimes suffocate me.

i've lived my life for 23 years being and doing what my parents want me to be.

i was in science stream class because my parents wanted me to.

i studied TESL for 5 years because my parents wanted me to.

i worked as a tutor for a semester because my parents wanted me to.

i've never had a boyfriend because my parents did not want me to.

i dress, diet, make up, and do my hair like what my mom wants.

out of all the children, i am the one who would never say "No" to my parents.

i've been keeping my frustration so long that now it's eating me up.

when i was still living with my housemates, i would tell them my frustrations towards my parents.

when my elder sister was still unmarried, i would tell her my frustrations towards my parents. but now, with 3 kids, i feel telling her my problems and frustrations would add more to her stress.

i can't post anything on facebook because my brothers and sisters are on facebook as well and the fact that my mom is a stalker leaves me with no choice.

my brother in law is the one that understands me the most. but now he's busy with work, tender, business, kids, i don't think i should tell him my problems and frustrations.

so, i turn to twitter.

every time i tweet my frustrations, i feel relieved.

and this does not mean that you have the point to say "tak doa dekat Tuhan ke?"

every single day, every single time i pray, my doa is "kekalkanlah aku sebagai anak yang taat dan solehah dan hindarilah aku dari membenci dan memarahi kedua ibu bapaku"

i must admit, my parents have done really well in sculpting me as that daughter who are always scared to say 'No' and to vent my anger towards them.

people who feel annoyed with my tweets regarding my frustrations towards my parents are adviced to unfollow me.

academic regalia

2011-11-16T13:34:00.000+08:00

i should write about this 3 weeks ago but after i came back from shah alam i was busy with aidil adha's preparation, welcome baby party preparation and watching korean dramas. i've watched full house and scent of a woman. i'm in love with lee dong wook, again. i've promised to myself to not start watching korean dramas again because i didn't shower, eat, sleep and get out from my room while watching those two dramas. most importantly, i need to come back to my senses.

so here are some pictures of my convocation.

mom hated my make up on that day and made me alter my make up the moment i reached uitm.

mom wanted me to have my hair down when i wanted to tie my hair into a bun.

thank God dad back me up by saying "dah cantik la make up dengan rambut dia".

those were the most memorable things on my convocation.

i'm not being sarcastic.

i know mom wanted me to look the best and prettiest. she helped me wore the academic regalia till she perspired.

thank you mama :')

so people talk

2011-11-16T12:35:00.000+08:00

when people question about my pictures in my facebook account.

i'm not offended.

when people question about my entries in my blog.

i'm not offended.

when people question my role as a Muslimah.

i'm not offended instead i'm very grateful.

but

when people state that i do not chase/look for hidayah.

i almost cried. though i do not wear hijab, clothes that are loose and cover my butt, and pants that are loose that does not mean that i do not look for hidayah. every day, every time i pray, i beg Allah SWT to make me a better daughter and a better Muslimah and to grant me with hidayah. this is not what i will normally tell people. who would tell people "i sembahyang tau 5 kali sehari. i doa banyak2 tau dekat Tuhan" i don't want to wear hijab just because people tell me to do so. i want to wear hijab because my love to Allah SWT. i've been reading about the meaning of hijab in Islam, and that is something that i would never tell people but i do, now. when people question about the need for me to change to be a better Muslimah, that is like people telling me "don't your father tell you about it?" i don't want to brag about what my father is becoming and telling me but my father never fails to remind me about my roles as a Muslim.

i don't drink alcohol, i don't smoke, i don't date a boyfriend, i don't go for vacation with my boyfriend, i don't go clubbing.

i just haven't covered my head and body yet.

yet.

when people question about my ambition and passion.

i'm not offended.

i'm hurt.

i've been passionate about the same thing since i was in Tadika Kemas.

when people question about me disliking teaching.

i'm hurt.

i want to educate.

i want to act.

i want to fly.

i want to host.

i want to be so many things. that's what i told the interviewers when i went for interviews.

what is it so wrong to want to be a host and an actress?

what is it so wrong to want to be a stewardess?

why do i want to be a stewardess?

look for an entry in my blog about my dream taking my parents for vacation, bringing back my parents to Newcastle.

travelling to overseas is something that my family can't afford.

i hope that will answer the question.

when i am told that people talk about me, i'm not surprised.

thank you for the gentle reminder.

i don't need to write what i've been doing and why i want to be something in my blog all the time.

berhati setan

2011-10-18T17:03:00.002+08:00

i'm sure many of us have watched that video where a girl was ran over twice and being ignored.

i'm sure many of us are pissed off with that incident.

i'm sure not many of us take that incident as a reminder to be grateful to live in Malaysia and thus be a Malaysian.

i've seen and heard other races in this country complaining that this country does not treat all races fairly.

i've seen and heard other races who can't wait to change their citizenships.

even if the country doesn't treat you people fairly,

RAKYAT MALAYSIA MASIH BERHATI PERUT.

"Ya Allah, kurangkan sakit anak itu dan selamatkan nyawanya."

i don't know her.

we are from different race.

we are from different religion.

but

i automatically said that prayer right after watching the video on Buletin Utama.

mereka yang sanggup melanggar anak itu, mereka yang sanggup melihat anak itu kesakitan bukan berhati binatang tapi berhati setan.

30

2011-10-14T12:57:00.000+08:00

by the age of 30, i want to own a pair of Louboutins.

naked

2011-10-13T23:02:00.001+08:00

my mother never likes her daughters to step out from the house without eye liner, powder and coloured lip balm or lipstick.

i was exposed to make up when i was in primary school. standard four i think.

i started wearing heavy make up when i was in university.

heavy make up here means smokey eyes. i am born with a pair of chinese eyes or squinted eyes. so i need smokey eyes make up in order to make my eyes look bigger.

and now, without make up, to be precise smokey eyes make up, i feel... naked.

recently i saw my male friend tweeted something like "jangan pakai make up tebal sangat boleh tak. tak suka lah."

i know that was not for me but that hits me hard.

the only time when i do not have my smokey eyes on is when i'm in alor star.

just now, i googled image celebrities without make up

to make myself believes that it's ok not to do smokey eyes make up

every time i step out from the house.

p/s: i have come to a point where i am not comfortable in my own skin.

skinny fat syndrome

2011-10-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

dead

2011-10-12T22:23:00.002+08:00

my parents have just killed my passion.

operation baking

2011-10-11T12:28:00.001+08:00

chewy chocolate almond brownies

again, i alter the original recipe and as expected they turn out great!

i always substitute white sugar with brown sugar in my baking because i love the caramelized taste that it gives to my cookies, cakes and brownies.

while others wait for the melted butter and chocolate to cool down to room temperature before mixing them with sugar, i mix them while they are still hot so my sugar is melted a little bit and my brownies will become more chewy and have that caramelized taste.

almost all brownies recipe that i come across in the cooking/baking websites use only 2 tablespoons of cocoa powder. i use three tablespoons instead because it will make my brownies taste more chocolaty. four tablespoons will make it taste bitter. if you like your brownies to have that bittery chocolaty taste, go for four tablespoons of cocoa powder.

p/s: mom tells me to stop baking because she says i'm making her gain weight.

operation baking

2011-10-10T19:54:00.002+08:00

chocolate brownies

this is my first time baking brownies as i have extra semisweet chocolate bar from the ganache that i made for my cupcakes . as always, i alter the original recipe which is taken from joyofbaking.com. i shall name these brownies as LS chocolate brownies.

chocolate chip cookies

all my life, i've baked thousands of chocolate chip cookies using hundreds of recipes. that's a bit of exaggeration but the point is i've baked lots of chocolate chip cookies using all kinds of recipes. baking is all about trial and error, and being me who likes to alter recipes i finally come up with a recipe that i am satisfied with. my chocolate chip cookies don't taste exactly like wally amos's chocolate chip cookies, but they taste ALMOST the same. *pats on my back*

p/s: it's not impossible for me to come up with my own cooking book.

melts me every time

2011-10-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

i want a baby of my own

without having to be pregnant, go through morning sickness, contractions and having my vagina cut and sewed.

operation skinny

2011-10-05T21:24:00.000+08:00

salad + low fat thousand island + steamed chicken breast coated with parmesan.

yummy!

lychee dading (dadih+pudding)

2011-10-05T13:31:00.002+08:00

made these yesterday.

the recipe is adapted from my friend's lychee pudding recipe. however, i've altered the recipe as the one that i made previously was a failure.

ingredients.

2 table spoons of agar-agar strips

a can of chopped lychees

lychee flavour nata de coco (the amount depends on your liking)

1 and 1/2 cups of lychee syrup from the can

1 and 1/2 cups of water

300ml of evaporated milk

2 table spoons of sugar

method:

cooking sense.

warning:

they are addictive ;)

kedah effect

2011-10-05T13:18:00.000+08:00

no make up.

no perfume.

no hair do.

pyjamas.

flip flops.

to the malls/shops/restaurants.

yes, i'm in kedah.

my sixth time

2011-10-05T13:14:00.000+08:00

i am a happy aunty again :')

this is my second sister's beautiful baby boy. the name given is Muhammad Rayyan (pronounced as Ryan) Iskandar.

hearing my sister's birth story makes me not want to be pregnant. though i can't personally relate to her birth story i can feel the pain.so kids, love your mother and don't ever hurt their feelings! *note to self *

that is what i got for the new happy parents.

as soon as Ryan pops out, the first thing that comes to my mind is Adidas sneakers.

i then head to Adidas store and ask for a new born sneakers. sadly, they don't sell new born sneakers.

i then walk around the baby department to look for the best gift.

i hate giving that huge hamper because the stuffs in the hamper are not that great. they just look WOW because the size.

i want something that is useful for the parents and affordable for me.

the reason why i choose that soft warmer travelling bag is because i pity mothers who have to put their baby's diapers, wet wipes, milk bottle, etc in their handbag and i pity fathers who have to carry these kind of bags:

looking forward to buying that Adidas sneakers for little Ryan :)

operation skinny

2011-10-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

starts today

maybe tomorrow.

lucky

2011-10-04T20:38:00.001+08:00

when a guy friend, not teman tapi mesra/ friends with benefits just pure FRIENDSHIP is willing to accompany you for shopping,

consider yourself as lucky.

thank you fahim for making me that lucky girl.

soon

2011-10-04T20:32:00.000+08:00

the best chicken chop ever

2011-10-04T20:23:00.001+08:00

GO TO AIDYS CAFE SDN BHD, JALAN TELUK AIR TAWAR, BUTTERWORTH.

p/s: this is not proudduck.com or inibelogsaya so this is not a sponsored post.

diary of an educator

2011-10-04T20:15:00.000+08:00

because an educator does not only educate.

my mom thinks i can already be a mother

2011-10-04T20:12:00.000+08:00

drawing with julia at 2am because she is an owl.

supervise the girls playing.

art attack with the girls.

mcd with the girls as they are mat sallehs who don't eat rice but fries only.

julia can only sleep and drink chocolate drink with her mommy's and my leg. (weird kid)

i think so too.

i need a man in my life

2011-10-04T19:53:00.001+08:00

recently my car broke down.

on the highway.

something is wrong with the timing belt, engine and battery.

it happened at 8 something am.

it was raining heavily.

i stopped my car at the emergency lane.

i then called my dad.

he quickly came to me.

he called PLUS to get us a tow truck.

we waited for an hour but the tow truck didn't come.

i had a meeting at the campus at 2.12pm.

dad didn't want me to be late for the meeting so he sent me to penang and went back to the place when i parked my car.

he then waited for the tow truck to come.

he took my car to the workshop for six times because after changing the timing belt, battery, overhauling my car could not be started smoothly.

he spent 1K plus for my car.

i told him i will pay him back after i receive my august salary.

he didn't let me.

and i cried

thinking what would i do without my dad?

cracked heels

2011-10-04T19:35:00.001+08:00

hello LS!

i have missed blogging so much and i have so many things to blog about till i forget what to blog about.

i've been busy marking the students' exam paper, keying in marks, babysitting my nieces and the latest one, managing the house as my second sister just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. my mom will have to take care of her and the baby thus i have to manage the house from doing house chores, buying groceries and making drinks for people who pay a visit to my sister and the baby.

phew!

i'm exhausted.

my sisters and my brother are lucky to have me.

when my sisters and sister in law gave birth i will help with the house chores.

when they are busy i will babysit their kids.

i am the unlucky one.

when it comes to my time to give birth and have kids of my own who will help with the house chores and babysit my kids?? my parents will be too old to do all that. i need to have a maid. in order to afford a maid i need to have a job that gives me the bomb salary.

this is how my heels look like.

picture credits to google image.

p/s: my mom has been doing house chores, taking care of us, cooking for the family and have cracked heels since forever but i haven't heard a complaint from her.

a quick post

2011-09-25T19:22:00.000+08:00

i was watching safiyya on tv9 with my parents.

they showed tudungs from a new label.

i said to mom: mama beli la tudung tuh. lawa.

then dad said to me: dia duk suruh mama beli tudung. dia tuh beli lagi.

he smiled.

that hits me hard.

i myself don't have the answer for that question.

diary of an educator

2011-09-18T01:10:00.000+08:00

the least that i can do now

i was very frustrated when not all of my students from each group turned up on the last day of class.

i've reminded them to come as i wanted to revise on writing.

maybe those who didn't come have mastered constructing thesis statement and topic sentence already.

i am the coolest lecturer in class

but

i remember the students who are always absent in my class.

make sure you write your essay well

because i will only give the marks that you deserve.

on a different note,

i appreciate students who always come to my class, show willingness to learn and improve. for these kind of students, they deserve 'effort' marks from me which is already a bonus marks for them.

selamat study :) :) :)

every girl's dream

2011-09-18T00:35:00.001+08:00

sembang malam sabtu sambil tengok cerekarama dengan mama.

kahwin nanti nurul tak mau pakai inai.

baju nak simple ja. nak lace yg tak gatal. tak mau kebaya semua tuh. nak gown.

make up nak by ayangkamell.

hantaran dengan pelamin kan ma, senior nurul pandai buat. nama dia que ariffin.

tema cupcakes/candies land.

so pelamin kena ada cupcakes and candies. hantaran pun. takmau fresh flowers. semua orang sekarang nak pelamin and hantaran pakai fresh flowers.

lelaki pakai coat or tuxedo.

perempuan pakai dress.

wedding nurul english style habis lah.

kalau buat reception kat rumah mama nak canopy yang clear tuh. then letak fairy lights.

eh mama, nurul boyfriend pun takdak lagi duk cakap pasal kahwin.

gelak kuat-kuat.

mama: tuh la. mama baru nak cakap.

lalu mama menggelengkan kepalanya.

you don't need to have a boyfriend to have your wedding dream because having a boyfriend does not mean that your love story will end with 'I do'.

note to self.

suara kami

2011-09-18T00:09:00.000+08:00

mengikut pemahaman saya, 'kami' bermaksud saya dan orang kedah sering menggunakan 'kami' untuk mengganti pronoun 'saya'.

sebagai contoh: 'kami tak pi kerja hari ini' 'mak kami masak sedap' 'ni buku kami'

oleh itu, pada pendapat saya konsert 'suara kami' patut menggunakan artis malaysia sahaja. tidak perlu menjemput artis antarabangsa yang saya kira buat persembahan cincai atau sekadar melepasakan batuk di tangga sahaja.

sewaktu 'suara kami' diwarwarkan di media massa saya sangkakan ia adalah konsert untuk artis malaysia kerana namanya cukup1 Malaysia. tapi sayang, tanggapan saya salah.

kita selalu mengkritik dan mempersoalkan kenapa kita asyik mengundang artis antarabangsa untuk membuat konsert di malaysia.

soalan saya sekarang. kenapa 'suara kami' juga perlu mengundang artis antarabangsa?

operation skinny

2011-09-17T23:53:00.001+08:00

dinner

green apple and mixed berries yogurt

green tea

burberry

2011-09-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

the guy that went missing for two days. glad he's back now :')

he came back after maghrib. mom was the one who opened the door for him after hearing him meowed at the kitchen. quoting mom "mama tau suara burberry macam mana" of course you do mama. you have been so attached to him for so many years already :) mom cried when she saw burberry.

as soon as he entered the house mom gave him food and water. mom actually fed him for three times.

than he fall asleep.

he looked exhausted, stressed and traumatized.

i then checked his body in case there's any bruise or cuts. his ears have been scratched. we assumed by that big fat male cat who is aiming to hurt and kill burberry. yes, kill burberry. my dad once saw that big fat male cat bit burberry on his neck. according to my dad, if a cat bits another cat on the neck it is done with the purpose to kill.

i will take burberry to see the veterinarian.

he's sound asleep now.

p/s: i'm not an animal person but i have that soft spot i have for cats.

fat saturday

2011-09-17T16:59:00.001+08:00

lunch

i ate a bowl of mushroom soup, a slice of pizza and drank quarter glass of pepsi. i have done sin to my operation skinny programme.

lunch date

i forgot to wear my bra so i had to buy that pashmina to cover it up.

i realized that i didn't have my bra on as soon as i got down from the car.

me: adik, kakak lupa pakai bra! jom balik sat.

baby bro: *looks at my chest* mana nampak apa-apa pun. takyah balik.

me: betoi ni?

baby bro: kakak, you're flat chested. tak pakai bra pun takpa.

-__-

thank god there's a shop selling pashmina next to pizza hut. phew!

i don't wear bra at home. i'm too comfortable that way. but this is malaysia not hollywood. remember that wan!

p/s: i must spare nipple tapes in the handbag.

i always disagree with people who eat pizza with chilli sauce.

RM 3.25 for service tax. the service was *uc*ing slow. 45 minutes to make a pizza? 30 minutes to get our pepsi? 30 minutes to get our mushroom soup? 45 minutes to get our garlic bread?

really?

pizza hut's company, you better train your staff to work efficiently before somebody goes to tv3 to report about it.

operation skinny

2011-09-16T21:30:00.000+08:00

inspired by catalina su.

dinner.

diary of an educator

2011-09-16T16:31:00.000+08:00

question: why on earth do i have to post the students' on-going marks in my blog?

answer: because i do not have an office at the campus.

period.

BEL 120 on-going marks EE1111I1/2

2011-09-16T16:28:00.000+08:00

The total marks is over 70%

EE1111I1

	Listening	Speaking	Grammar	Online Assignment	Total
2011298758	11.5	17	16.5	10	55
2011261406	12	16	14	10	52
2011680688	12	16	22	10	60
2011453988	13	16	22.5	10	61.5
2011495518	12	17	22	10	61
2011234908	13	16	21	10	60
2011477384	12	16	18	10	56
2011449554	13	16	18.5	10	57.5
2011478302	12.5	16	19.5	10	58
2011297966	12	16	21.5	10	59.5
2011294646	11	16	21	10	58
2011207572	10	16	21	10	57
2011470854	13	16	20.5	10	59.5
2011454408	12	16	20	10	58
2011284468	12	16	22	10	60
2011695972	10	16	21	10	57
2011629014	12	16	20.5	10	58.5
2011878132	11.5	16	20.5	10	58
2011423738	12	17	17.5	10	56.5

EE1111I2

	Listening	Speaking	Grammar	Online Assignment	Total
2011245576	11	17	22	10	60
2011855478	9	17	17	10	53
2011670838	11	17	21	10	59
2011615748	12	17	16.5	10	55.5
2011674628	13	17	23.5	10	63.5
2011863928	13	16	18	10	57
2011288874	13	16	22	10	61
2011621198	12	17	19	10	58
2011475614	12	17	19.5	10	58.5
2011897356	11	16	19.5	10	56.5
2011489442	11	17	22	10	60
2011691456	12	16	19	10	57
2011297104	13	17	19	10	59
2011202674	11	16	16.5	10	53.5
2011658096	12	17	21.5	10	60.5
2011422532	13	17	21.5	10	61.5
2011857314	13	16	20.5	10	59.5
2011467866	11	17	21	10	59
2011662174	9	16	16.5	10	51.5